Individual Adult Psychotherapy
Adults need to seek therapy when they find themselves repeating patterns of behaviors that are unproductive or destructive, to themselves or their relationships. Therapy is indicated when people are unable to resolve problems successfully in their lives. The kinds of problems that adults experience when they come for psychotherapy are:
Adults come to therapy after they’ve exhausted their efforts to resolve a problem. I help them determine how the solutions they’ve implemented in their lives to solve problems are working. Often these solutions were created in their childhoods and equally as often they don’t remember why they developed these solutions in the first place. Awareness and insight are helpful but I emphasize organizing new behaviors and routines that are constructive. Ask me about how we use solutions created in childhood that we all rely on despite their ineffectiveness.
I believe that because we are biological creatures, brain chemistry plays a large role in how we function. I am clear that we are genetically predisposed to certain moods or tendencies and understanding our biological history can help us not be victims of that history. It is important to acknowledge that there are medical approaches available that can reduce suffering from certain conditions and I will help clients determine when those situations exist. I consult with my clients as to the appropriate option to pursue regarding getting medical relief for the struggles that have a biologic basis.
Child/Family
I include parents when I provide child therapy. My thinking is that when a child needs to be in therapy the parents are often confused, frustrated, guilt ridden, anxious, or angry. Parents very often need some guidance to help them feel more effective. When a child is younger, typically younger than five or six, I will work exclusively with the parents. As the child ages, I am willing to spend more individual time with her/him. I help parents with making decisions that affect their children and give them parenting techniques that make them more successful. I help parents clarify their parenting philosophy or even create one. I often help parents understand how the stresses in their lives are being acted out by their child.
I work closely with schools, when given permission from the parents, to advocate for the child. School performance is an important aspect to consider in assessing the child’s functioning
Ask me about the metaphor of children being blind. It is a concept I developed to help parents understand the importance of consistency in children’s lives.
Adolescents
Developmentally, adolescents are on a quest to experience the world and how they fit into it. They are in the throes of developing their own value system after having been given one by their parents. How does one go about developing one’s own value system? Typically adolescents explore numerous ways of being, some see this as rebellion. This motivation often blinds their ability to make good decisions. Added to this developmental quest is the fact that adolescents’ brains are not fully developed especially in the area of impulse control and thinking through decisions. Adolescents, in American society, are confronted with the difficult dilemma of not quite being children and not quite being adults. Yet they have influences thrust upon them that are very challenging indeed. Adolescents need to be brought to psychotherapy by their parents when:
As with children, I try to involve parents in the therapy. I use the adolescent’s age and emotional maturity to help me decide how much to involve the parents. The specific difficulties that are presented also help determine how much to involve parents. Adolescents, by law, are entitled to confidentiality even from their parents. When I hear information that I think the parents should know, I work with the adolescent to help them find a way to tell the parents. Sometimes the adolescent and I together will tell the parents if the client needs help telling the parents. Occasionally the adolescent will give me permission to tell the parents without them.
Marital/Couple
Being loved by another person is a universal dream shared among people of different cultures and societies. While we know we want to be loved by another, sometimes we struggle with getting our needs met in a loving relationship and don’t know what to do. Marital or couple relationships require people to merge differing values in many aspects of living. Couples have to decide:
When people are able to navigate decisions successfully they develop trust and intimacy. When they have difficulty with merging values they become mistrustful, distant, and withholding. The longer this pattern exists in a relationship the more conflicts develop and resentment builds.
Divorce/Separation
This is one of the most stressful experiences we can go through. Rarely is this an easy decision to make. If you have children, divorce and separation becomes many times more complicated and difficult. If you have children you never really get to make a clean break from your spouse/partner. The process of divorce often requires parents to learn to coordinate and communicate with each other better than when they were married. Often contentiousness between couples interferes with their ability to make decisions that are good for the children. Mistrust becomes a huge obstacle to be overcome and I find that I often play a mediator role between parents to help them see the benefits of cooperating with each other.
I help both the children and the parents understand the effects and implications of divorce and separation. Each situation has to be handled according to the specific circumstances the couple/family experience. Yet there are predictable crises that occur that I am familiar with that seem foreign to the people themselves. Having gone through it numerous times with other people I can help couples avoid or endure typical pitfalls. I help parents understand the implications their decisions and behaviors have on their children.
I have become certified as a parent coordinator/decision maker because of the intensity of conflicts I have seen between divorced parents. I also provide reunification therapy when relationships (usually between a parent and a child) become so damaged the people are alienated from each other.
* Please note that when I use bullet points to share examples of issues that people may experience, it in no way is an attempt to be an exhaustive list of situations that would benefit from psychotherapy. It is merely my attempt to be illustrative of issues where people have pursued psychotherapy.
Adults need to seek therapy when they find themselves repeating patterns of behaviors that are unproductive or destructive, to themselves or their relationships. Therapy is indicated when people are unable to resolve problems successfully in their lives. The kinds of problems that adults experience when they come for psychotherapy are:
- depression
- anger
- anxiety
- confusion
- frustration
- dependency
- mistrust
- helplessness
- inability to maintain healthy relationships
- violence
- inconsistent or undefined value system
- conflicts with the law or other authority
- loneliness
- inability to communicate effectively
- mood fluctuations
- loss of control of their feelings and or perceptions
- poor money management
- substance abuse
- not being able to achieve goals
Adults come to therapy after they’ve exhausted their efforts to resolve a problem. I help them determine how the solutions they’ve implemented in their lives to solve problems are working. Often these solutions were created in their childhoods and equally as often they don’t remember why they developed these solutions in the first place. Awareness and insight are helpful but I emphasize organizing new behaviors and routines that are constructive. Ask me about how we use solutions created in childhood that we all rely on despite their ineffectiveness.
I believe that because we are biological creatures, brain chemistry plays a large role in how we function. I am clear that we are genetically predisposed to certain moods or tendencies and understanding our biological history can help us not be victims of that history. It is important to acknowledge that there are medical approaches available that can reduce suffering from certain conditions and I will help clients determine when those situations exist. I consult with my clients as to the appropriate option to pursue regarding getting medical relief for the struggles that have a biologic basis.
Child/Family
I include parents when I provide child therapy. My thinking is that when a child needs to be in therapy the parents are often confused, frustrated, guilt ridden, anxious, or angry. Parents very often need some guidance to help them feel more effective. When a child is younger, typically younger than five or six, I will work exclusively with the parents. As the child ages, I am willing to spend more individual time with her/him. I help parents with making decisions that affect their children and give them parenting techniques that make them more successful. I help parents clarify their parenting philosophy or even create one. I often help parents understand how the stresses in their lives are being acted out by their child.
I work closely with schools, when given permission from the parents, to advocate for the child. School performance is an important aspect to consider in assessing the child’s functioning
Ask me about the metaphor of children being blind. It is a concept I developed to help parents understand the importance of consistency in children’s lives.
Adolescents
Developmentally, adolescents are on a quest to experience the world and how they fit into it. They are in the throes of developing their own value system after having been given one by their parents. How does one go about developing one’s own value system? Typically adolescents explore numerous ways of being, some see this as rebellion. This motivation often blinds their ability to make good decisions. Added to this developmental quest is the fact that adolescents’ brains are not fully developed especially in the area of impulse control and thinking through decisions. Adolescents, in American society, are confronted with the difficult dilemma of not quite being children and not quite being adults. Yet they have influences thrust upon them that are very challenging indeed. Adolescents need to be brought to psychotherapy by their parents when:
- they continually make poor decision and don't seem to accept responsibility for them
- their emotions overwhelm them; depression, fear, anger, and anxiety
- they refuse to allow their parents to have influence in their lives
- they refuse to communicate with their parents
- they become violent or are the victim of violence
- they do poorly at school and don't care
- they allow others to use or abuse them
- they use or abuse alcohol or drugs
- they are self destructive
- they are unable to develop and maintain healthy peer relationships
As with children, I try to involve parents in the therapy. I use the adolescent’s age and emotional maturity to help me decide how much to involve the parents. The specific difficulties that are presented also help determine how much to involve parents. Adolescents, by law, are entitled to confidentiality even from their parents. When I hear information that I think the parents should know, I work with the adolescent to help them find a way to tell the parents. Sometimes the adolescent and I together will tell the parents if the client needs help telling the parents. Occasionally the adolescent will give me permission to tell the parents without them.
Marital/Couple
Being loved by another person is a universal dream shared among people of different cultures and societies. While we know we want to be loved by another, sometimes we struggle with getting our needs met in a loving relationship and don’t know what to do. Marital or couple relationships require people to merge differing values in many aspects of living. Couples have to decide:
- where to live
- how to create an income
- how to make decisions about managing money
- how and when to be intimate (which is different than sexual)
- how and when to be sexual
- whether to have children
- how to parent children
- how to solve problems
- how to be sensitive to each other
- how to deal with their spouse's/partner's family
- how to reconcile differences in cultures, values, and philosophies of life*
When people are able to navigate decisions successfully they develop trust and intimacy. When they have difficulty with merging values they become mistrustful, distant, and withholding. The longer this pattern exists in a relationship the more conflicts develop and resentment builds.
Divorce/Separation
This is one of the most stressful experiences we can go through. Rarely is this an easy decision to make. If you have children, divorce and separation becomes many times more complicated and difficult. If you have children you never really get to make a clean break from your spouse/partner. The process of divorce often requires parents to learn to coordinate and communicate with each other better than when they were married. Often contentiousness between couples interferes with their ability to make decisions that are good for the children. Mistrust becomes a huge obstacle to be overcome and I find that I often play a mediator role between parents to help them see the benefits of cooperating with each other.
I help both the children and the parents understand the effects and implications of divorce and separation. Each situation has to be handled according to the specific circumstances the couple/family experience. Yet there are predictable crises that occur that I am familiar with that seem foreign to the people themselves. Having gone through it numerous times with other people I can help couples avoid or endure typical pitfalls. I help parents understand the implications their decisions and behaviors have on their children.
I have become certified as a parent coordinator/decision maker because of the intensity of conflicts I have seen between divorced parents. I also provide reunification therapy when relationships (usually between a parent and a child) become so damaged the people are alienated from each other.
* Please note that when I use bullet points to share examples of issues that people may experience, it in no way is an attempt to be an exhaustive list of situations that would benefit from psychotherapy. It is merely my attempt to be illustrative of issues where people have pursued psychotherapy.